Blogging Ottinger (tim)

I found out about a book I would like to read sometime soon. It made me think about a lot of things, just reading the reviews. A quick google and another article discusses confrontation and kindness in a level-headed way. It talks about niceness as a character fault:

There is more than one difficulty with this kind of behavior. To begin with it is dishonest. When we are angry with someone it is hypocritical to pretend we aren’t. While it is not appropriate to indiscriminately unleash our wrath against another person, it is also wrong to act as if everything is sweetness and light in a relationship that is at risk. God desires truth in the inner parts. He desires that that truth be manifest in the outer parts as well. There are times we must lovingly, but firmly, confront people. If we don’t we are pretending to be at peace with someone with whom we are not. We are living a lie.

For some the ideal church would be described as wrinkle-free, conflict-free, “nicey-nice” existence. Nobody raises a fuss. Nobody confronts, everyone just quietly forgives and goes along. The proof texts are quite ready and available. But the Biblical life is clearly a life full of justice as well as grace, of truth as well as love. Try to read a few chapters of any of the 66 books without seeing an admonition to stand up for what is right, to wrestle against a sinful complacency, and to struggle to promote the good (even at the expense of the “nice”). Indeed, being a follower seems to require disturbing the peace.

Fithian explained: “When people ask me, ‘What do you do?,’ I say I create crisis, because crisis is that edge where change is possible.” I wonder: Is this not what Jesus meant when he spoke of bringing fire to the earth? Did he not seek to bring crisis as “that edge where change is possible”?

I think that this is an important quote. While some see all conflict and turmoil as “the problem”, there are others who know that “the problem” is whatever lies behind the conflict and turmoil. The act of confrontation is not a problem, it is a means to the resolution of a problem. Sweeping problems under the rug is the surest way to ensure that the problems will continue and will continually fester. Sure, one could quietly walk away, but then there is no chance of restitution, no chance of reconciliation, and no chance of improvement. Conflict is merely the lancing of the boil.

The entire Bible is not the record of people who spent all their time figuring out how to avoid conflict. Instead, it is filled with patriarchs, judges, prophets, and teachers whose duty it was to confront people who were living at odds with their God, and who not only sinning, but encouraging sin in others. The Biblical heroes told others to repent before the day of their judgement was at hand, and they named names. They were immensely unpopular, because they stirred up trouble among people who were perfectly content to go on with their business as usual. They created conflict, they caused leaders to be doubted, they caused issues to be raised. They did not smooth things over. As a result, they found themselves ridiculed, dropped into wells, kicked out of the country, tossed into fiery furnaces, lions dens, and abused in every imaginable way. The greatest of them all was publically abused, humiliated, and finally executed between two thieves as a kind of “insult by association”. That’s not how you treat the nice kid next door who never causes any problems. Every once in a while, someone listened to them, and you can tell because those are the stories that turn out well.

There is another one I found tonight that struck a chord with me as well. I can be a little harsh, and it’s always good to have some kind of a reminder as to how things need to be handled.

I’ve now found myself in a church with people who believe in biblical confrontation, rebuke, and exhortation as a service to each other and as a growth opportunity. I think it’s very good to be among courageous people. It inspires trust.