Blogging Ottinger (tim)Valentine: When the honeymoon is over…
People are always talking about what a serious business marriage is. I am told that you really have to work at it, and you only get out what you put in, minus a little. There’s all this about how you have to work hard to impress each other with diet and fitness and gifts and tokens of affection, and how you have to spend not only time, but quality time. You have to schedule your time, and make priorities, and all that. It sounds risky and difficult and amazingly self-sacrificing.
Man, that’s pretty scary. I’m glad I never knew that when I met my wife.
See, we’re not really bright when it comes to romance. We just love to hang out together and we like to talk (especially on long rides or after the kids are asleep). We lounge across each other whenever possible, and have been known to be holding hands or hugging or touching pretty much all the time. We actually like each other and are best friends. We enjoy being together and doing things together, and even doing nothing together.
I’m probably the worlds least gifted in “material thoughtfulness”. It never dawns on me to pick up gifts and candies, and I am not good at picking up hints or understanding what other people like. If the honeymoon is ever over and I have to start working at this I will probably wash out. I don’t plan little surprises and trips, and I have to ask my wife for money to buy her stuff, so surprises are out of the question. Hey, she manages it better than I do, and I respect that. We tend to each kind of rely on the other’s strengths.
That’s where I’m really lucky. My wife has a lot of skills and talents. I really respect her abilities and idea. She’s different in intellect — maybe it’s intuition or body language or something — she’s more emotionally aware of other people’s feelings and motivations. She is adventurous and likes to try new things and new places. She’s got a killer memory, whereas mine stinks. She can do math so fast and accurately, it makes my head swim. She’s also good at getting things done. If this honeymoon ends and I have to compete with her, she’ll clean my clock. I don’t know how my emotionally squeamish self-absorbedness will even get to play in the same league.
So I’ll be all upset when the honeymoon is over and all the work and planning and effort kick in. I’ll miss this spontaneous honeymoon kind of living. I’ll need new skills and abilities, but then at least I’ll understand what all this relationship talk from the pros is about and how it is for those other “normal” couples. Man. Things will be different.
Maybe we’ll be able to at least squeeze out another 17 years together before that happens.
Gosh. You sound like my husband. Now, he has the money to buy; he just doesn’t think it’s that important.And, having lived with him for almost 42 years, it doesn’t matter that much anymore. Tonight, while I was sitting in his chair in the Den, he had come into the computer room. He came back through, leaned over, and kissed me. Before I could say a thing, he said, “That’s for my valentine.” He doesn’t think about cards most of the time, although I usually get one on Mother’s Day. I didn’t expect one from him, but I always buy him one. Having not been on the computer Tuesday, he didn’t see it until tonight, although he took me out to eat.
I don’t know about the honeymoon being over or not with us, but we still love to talk to one another, sit around doing nothing, hold hands in public - might sound corney to some, but people in love do that! He once had a lady friend of ours to say to him, “My husband needs to take lessons from you.” AND, he is a minister. My husband had walked around and let me in the car before he got in - something he does most of the time. But, I don’t come unglued, if he doesn’t. We know each other pretty well!
Comment by Barb — 2006-February-16 @ 05:49
Another reader has comments. Probably giving me too much credit, and making a little mistake about St. Casserole’s Barb. God bless you, anyway!
Comment by Tim — 2006-February-21 @ 03:12
:) Sorry about the mistake. I made a rather unwarranted assumption. Still, however, I think all credit is due to you. You’re an inspiration. God bless.
Comment by Nicholas Ochiel — 2006-February-21 @ 03:47