Blogging Ottinger (tim)The Parenting Three Things
Playing “the three things” game for parenting, where the goal is to find the three base facts/axioms from which all other information is derivative. I am no expert, but I think that if I were to give a new parent “the three things”, I could hardly do better at this point in my life than to give these three concepts:
- It’s not convenient.
- The child is a whole different person.
- Once you’re in the game, you’re in the game.
It’s not convenient. It’s duecedly inconvenient. You’re not on your own schedule, you don’t own your own stuff, you don’t have your own way, you don’t add them onto your existing life. Parenting is many great things, but convenient it is not. Not understanding this has been a source of frustration to many parents.
The child is a whole different person. The child is not an extension of the parent, or a revisit of the parent’s childhood (even if it might seem that way sometimes). The child will not like everything you like, or hate what you hate, or merge seamlessly into your plans. The child is a person. Forget that, and think of the child as part of your life, and much is lost. Rather, you have joined a new relationship with someone and you need to make that work in the long term. You are responsible for someone who may turn out to be just like you (in all good ways and bad) or who is by his nature very different from you (in good ways and bad).
Once you’re in the game, you’re in the game. Attempts to escape will meet with disaster. Abdicating responsiblity is not allowable. You are now the parent. Despite the fact that you didn’t prepare and plan and work it out, and you don’t know what you’re doing, you’re now in the game. You are Dad or Mom and that’s the end of it. Be it and try to be at peace with it, because this is the truth. You made a baby, and even though it’s inconvenient you are now responsible (in all ways good and bad) for a whole different human being.
Don’t feel bad. There are a million good things to say about the complex and fascinating other people you’ve brought into the world and your house. Just don’t be confused: these three things are very important whether you love or hate your new role in life.
What are your three things for parenting?
I think we’ve done fairly well… so far. No major incidents, our three children are very respectful of others, successful in school, and have a good sense of humor. So I feel like I’m allowed to comment.
Not sure if this is quite the same thing, but here’s our three rules for teenagers:
Don’t do anything that will get you in the hospital or dead
Same thing for prison
Same thing for pregnancy
We also expect them to treat others with respect.
Comment by Jeff L. — 2007-December-7 @ 02:30
Your three rules for teens reminded me of when I was a volunteer youth ministry worker, and formed my three rules for pranking:
1) No personal injury
2) No property damage
3) No humiliation
If the “victim” is a good sport and doesn’t mind (so it’s not humiliating) and nothing is broken and nobody is hurt, it’s probably okay.
I remember one night a group of kids wanted to stay up a few hours past curfew to prank. I told them “no”, but when they woke up in the morning there were pranks played on them.
The largest one (a really nice kid who shares my first name) approached me and demanded that I account for how they didn’t get to stay up late, but here someone got them. I explained that their prankster did not stay up late, but rather woke up early in the morning, which I completely allow. I was hoping that they’d start a new race to be up and pranking before their fellows, but no such luck.
Thanks for the comment.
Comment by Tim — 2007-December-7 @ 08:58